Thursday, October 16, 2008

Word of the Gay: "Mixed Orientation Relationship"

"Mixed Orientation Relationships" are when one of the partners is a different sexual orientation than the other. These occur when partner comes out later on in life, or are a marriage of convenience.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't this also occur when one partner (and not the other) is bisexual?

Laurie said...

Anonymous....No, it's not the same as being
bisexual....Cause the one partner comes to the
point in the relationship that they can no
longer lie to themself or to their spouse...
They also do not come back to the opposite sex
after they leave....The spouse may even know
about it and not mind....But there is no real
sexual attraction to the opposite sex....

radicaldoula said...

Yes, I was wondering the same thing about bisexuality. I think there is an argument to be made that being bisexual and being lesbian (or gay) ARE two different sexual attractions. Where do these definitions come from, by the way?

Marc said...

Another term for this when the people are married is Mixed Oriented (or Orientation) Marriage, or MOM. This term is often used in an email support group (SOTTS, or Spouses Out To Their Spouses) that I belong to.

wilksl said...

With all due respect:

Being bisexual and being straight are not the same thing. A bisexual and a heterosexual who are married to each other have different issues than 2 heterosexuals.

It is a MOM.

Ily said...

I would also say that if a bisexual man is married to a straight woman (for example), that would still be different orientations. Same for an asexual person with a gay, bi, or straight partner.

libhom said...

Ily: I was thinking along similar lines. A gay and a bi man in a relationship would be a mixed orientation relationship.

Queers United said...

You all bring up great points, I definitely think there are some cases where both partners are a different sexual orientation. But I guess the term was created for the straight man/woman married to a gay man/woman. Terms evolve though, and I think there is health discussion here and valid.

Queers United said...

Marc thank you for by the way, I was debating whether to post Mixed Orientation Marriage or relationship but I figured not every mixed orientation was married but every mixed orientation is in a relationship, maybe ill post the other another day. Another synonym for this term is lavender marriage.

Lycoris said...

A similar term is also used to refer to a relationship or marriage between a person who identifies as sexual (whether hetero-, homo-, bi-, or pan-) and a person who identifies as asexual.

Anonymous said...

I think the situation is often not as simple as "gay, came out late or marriage of convenience." Men on MOM support groups often debate at great length whether to think of themselves as "gay" or "bi," since most love their wife and enjoy sex with her, but otherwise are only attracted to men. Most marry out of love, not fear or convenience. My husband was in several long term relationships with men before falling in love with me, and he is not attracted to any other women - but does have strong MM attractions.

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