Eight Words and Phrases to Avoid in LGBT Communications

Language is key to our battle for equality and acceptance. Below is a list of eights words and phrases to avoid when discussing LGBT topics.

Lifestyle or “the gay lifestyle” – Referring to someone’s inherent characteristics as a “lifestyle” demeans that person by referring to who they are as a person as something that is only a “way” of living that they “choose” to follow rather than an immutable characteristic of their being (such as having blue eyes). Anti-gay people and organizations refer to “the gay lifestyle” in their comments about the community and use the term in outreach efforts designed to raise money for their anti-gay attacks by raising public fears about “those people.” Unfortunately, media sometimes fall into the trap of using this word or phrase and marketers have been known to use it as well, even in materials designed to attract LGBT consumers to buy a certain product or service.

Sexual preference or preference – this term brings up all kinds of conversations about whether or not LGBT people “choose” to be LGBT. By inferring that we do "choose" to be gay, anti-gay people and organizations can (often subtly) imply that we’re not deserving of equality because it’s just our “preference” that we’re LGBT and not an immutable characteristic of our being. It’s a really offensive term when used in this manner, but media and marketers still make the mistake of using the term in coverage and outreach.

Choice, choose or “choose to be gay” – this is often the word or phrase that follows usage of the term “lifestyle” or “preference.” As with the latter, using this word is a signal that we “choose” to be who we are and are therefore able to “choose” to be someone else. This kind of thinking is more than just obnoxious, it’s dangerous. By telling someone that it is not okay to be who they are, you tell them that they are less than human. Words do have consequences.

Homosexual – the term “homosexual” is often used by anti-gay people and organizations to refer to our community with an “accepted” term. In fact, the term has been so abused that its usage now seems more clinical than contemporary and it is, to most people, a way to slyly denigrate our community. By referring to “the homosexual community” or the “homosexual agenda,” anti-gay people and organizations attempt to make LGBT people sound like some odd/strange/uncomfortable “other” that is neither good nor acceptable.

Alternative – this term is one of the most overused in the marketers’ toolkit. Used to describe things as varied as music, energy or people, it generally means “not like the other” or “not normal.” While generally viewed as less offensive than other anti-gay code words such as “preference,” the term “alternative” as used in LGBT communications contexts is negative and unnecessary.

Tolerance - this term is increasingly seen as antiquated as social mores change and the general population becomes more engaged and involved with LGBT people. In the past, talking or writing about “tolerance” was fine because there was so much intolerance towards LGBT people in the world (it was an improvement at least). Now, with changes in society, the idea of “tolerating” LGBT people is becoming anachronistic. LGBT people don’t want to be “tolerated” (like a headache or other nuisance), we want to be accepted for who we are. And as equal members of society, we ought to be.

Special rights – this term is frequently used by anti-gay people and organizations to position LGBT advocacy for equal rights under the law as a negative, selfish attempt to secure “special rights” that LGBT people clearly do not deserve. The right to have access to a partner during medical procedures or the right to be recognized as a married couple is not “special,” it’s just human. Unfortunately, this term is often included in media coverage of LGBT issues, often without any challenge to its patently false nature and anti-gay connotation.

Friend – this term is often used to refer to the partner or spouse of an LGBT person in place of the term partner or spouse. In that context, it carries the unfortunate stigma of discomfort and/or lack of respect for an LGBT person’s relationship. A significant part of engaging us as individuals is based on acknowledging the people in our lives, including our partners or spouses. Far from being polite, half-acknowledging someone’s relationship by referring to their significant other as a “friend,” is rude and disrespectful (not to mention socially awkward).

Crossposted via Out Front Blog.

Open Forum: Battling Against Words to Define Our Cause

Gay marriage, same-sex marriage, homosexual marriage, marriage equality, civil marriage rights, same-gender marriage... The list goes on, and we have heard all of these terms and many more to describe the ultimate goal of many in the LGBT community which is to achieve the ability to attain a marriage license regardless of your identity.

But which term really best fits our cause, most represents what we are fighting for and is likely to get the most people on our side? In a battle of politics, heated issues and close votes, terminology and phraseology is critical in the battle for full equality.

Pros & Cons of the most widely used terms:

Gay Marriage - Everyone has heard of it, everyone knows what it is referring to, but it is not inclusive of those who are not gay. Lesbian women who eschew the term gay, bisexual, transgender, and intersex people all face legal challenges when it comes to the institution of marriage, so can "gay marriage" truly be an inclusive term?

Same-Sex Marriage - Widely used by the mainstream media in referring to the marriage civil rights movement. It is seen as a more inclusive way of countering the "gay marriage" term but has its pitfalls. What about trans people who transitioned but are not regarded as the opposite sex, they want the right to marry and they are not same-sex couples. The other downside is that "same-sex" has the word "sex" in it, bringing people back to focusing on the sexual aspect of queer couples and not the emotional, spiritual, and financial aspects that come with marriage.

Homosexual Marriage - This term is used most widely by opponents of equal marriage, and rightfully so, poll after poll shows that the term homosexual is viewed as negative and clinical by the public at large. While everyone knows what a homosexual is, the word often conjures up very negative stereotypes that are hurtful to the cause for equal rights.

Marriage Equality - The term is seen as a progressive one, those who use it support the LGBT movements efforts to attain marriage rights. The term will not likely be picked up by the media in an effort not to appear biased in one direction or another. The term also is not specific in defining who seeks the rights of marriage, while academics and those informed may know, the majority of Americans may not.

Civil Marriage Rights - The benefit to the term is that it is clearly indicating that the right is civil one and has zero to do with religion. The downside is that it doesn't specify which group is trying to achieve these rights. Is it just heterosexuals who want government controlling the institution of marriage and not church?

Same Gender Marriage - This eliminates the sex part of the equation, but provides for a new dilemma. Is the marriage fight about gender or sex? Can a couple who is not the same gender (one transitioned) be married if the birth certificate still declares them their birth sex?

The language in the debate about marriage rights is critical. What do you make of the above terms. What do you feel the pros and cons are and which word would you use to describe our fight for equality?