Open Forum: How Do You Self-Identify?

I'm bringing this post back because it was so popular and I'd like to get more of an idea of where my readers are coming from and who they are.

It would be interesting to know how most people who participate here identify. Don't feel the need to classify but if you wish to opine...

Sexual Orientation: Are you gay, lesbian, bisexual, queer, asexual, questioning, pansexual, straight?

Gender Identity: Are you male female, intersex, m2f, f2m, androgyne, genderqueer, questioning?

Diversity Lesson 101: Questioning

Many people question their sexual orientation or gender identity if it differs from the norm, and they need to figure out for themselves if their feelings match up with these labels created by society. Some people question their identity very early, while others do so later in life. There is no science to the time table for questioning, some people figure it out early, and others take an entire lifetime of questioning their identity.

What is questioning?
This term within the context of the queer community refers to people who are questioning their sexual orientation, gender identity or both. They may be experimenting with their feelings and attractions to see what identity would best describe them. The letter "Q" is sometimes added to the acronym LGBTA for this category.

How can someone not know what they are?
Identity politics is a complicated subject, some people feel they easily mold into labels and others feel that they may embrace some attributes of a label but not others. Some people are afraid to take on a label due to the real or perceived consequences that may result. Others generally feel that they are a mix of things and accept that their lives are full of unanswered questions that likely wont be resolved.

Is questioning a sexual identity?
This is a topic that has been debated and will likely go on within the queer community. The answer is yes if you believe that a temporary phase of questioning identity is in itself an identity for a given time period. Also, for those who do question for life or prolonged periods of time, it is their sexual identity to question sexuality and gender. People who are questioning fall into a unique subset because they acknowledge that they don't automatically fall into the heteronorm, but at the same time they don't necessarily accept or feel that they are queer. To be questioning is to feel that you are somewhere in between these two realms and that in itself can be considered an identity.

Are questioning people confused?
Some are confused due to a host of variables such as religion, culture, and societal pressure. Others simply find that our society is heavily reliant on labels that just don't fit neatly to each individual. The process of questioning sexual and gender identity is not confusion, it is normal and healthy. Whether one is gay, straight, asexual or somewhere in between we all question our understanding of sexuality throughout life.

How do you come out if you don't have a label?
It is best to come out sharing who you honestly feel you are. You can choose to come out with the identity that seems to fit the most, or you can simply admit that you are questioning or curious. Don't worry about the judgment or perception of others, you need to do whats spiritually right for yourself. Some questioning people prefer to use ambiguous terminology to refer to their identity and/or a partner such as lover, partner, significant other, friend with benefits, etc. When asked what their sexual identity is they simply say their name, or that they like who they like and keep it at that, have fun with it!

Coping with an uncertain sexual identity:

1. You acknowledge each attraction when it happens, rather than trying to stifle any natural feelings.

2. You look for a pattern in your attractions. This will point you towards your natural sexuality.

3. You do not deny what you know. If you are homosexual or bisexual, don’t try to convince yourself that you are heterosexual. All that will result is a lot of headaches.

4. You embrace questioning. If you are not ready to classify yourself as a specific sexuality, then don’t.

5. You seek support. If you feel isolated due to your sexuality, look around your local, regional or even national or international community for organizations that will support your lifestyle.

6. You take yourself seriously. Announcing your sexuality to anyone who will listen isn’t necessary. Show your maturity by respecting yourself and your relationships and giving them the attention and privacy that they deserve.

7. You are honest with yourself and others. If you realize that you are a particular sexual identity, don’t keep it a secret from those you love. Remember, given time almost anyone can adjust to almost anything (Teen Issues).

Resources for the Q population.

Recommended Reads:

The Full Spectrum: A New Generation of Writing About Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, and Other Identities - David Levithan

GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens - Kelly Huegel

Coming Out Every Day: Gay, Bisexual, or Questioning Man's Guide - Bret Johnson

Link of Interest:

Planned Parenthood - LGBT and Questioning.

Questioning Your Sexual Orientation.

For Individuals Who Are "Questioning"

Using the Questioning Label

Videos of Interest:

Web Spotlight: Obama PRIDE

Today's web spotlight and shout goes to Obama PRIDE. The sub-section of Barack Obama's website which details his commitment to LGBT Americans. Click the graphic to access this site.

Open Forum: How Much do our Identities Shape Who We Are?

The heterosexual majority often argue that gays are bent on publicly displaying their sexual orientation. You often hear remarks about pride parades, "why must they parade about their sexuality, we don't have a straight pride parade." We retort back by saying that our sexual and gender identities are only one aspect of our lives and that we are varied individuals with many characteristics that make up our identities and personalities.

Who is right? Are queer lives so heavily focused on identity or are they truly only just a sample of our greater selves?

When our lives are broken down into important spheres there are some commonalities we all share. With regards to family and friends, our identities can come into play because we want to be open with them about who we are and whom we love. When it comes to religion, many people feel that their religious background has left them feeling isolated and abandoned, and so religion and identity intersect. When it comes to politics we are not a given a fair shake, and so politics becomes an arena where we can advocate and demand equal rights for ourselves, our partners, and our families. At school or the workplace we want to know if our peers/co-workers will accept us, and if our jobs and our positions are in jeopardy. When we venture out into new areas we want to know whether the environment is safe and affirming or whether we could get attacked or victimized for simply holding hands with a partner, or for dressing/acting a certain way.

There is no doubt about the fact that our queer identities are complex and very significant to our lives. The question is how significant are they and to what degree do our respective identities enter other areas of our life? Feel free to weigh in.

Open Forum: G0y's - New Identity or Shameful Gays?

There is a growing and controversial movement of men who call themselves G0y. They are men who are attracted to men but have grown disgusted of "Gay" male culture and anal sexual practices. Below is a snippet from a G0y website, which can best explain what this new identity and movement is all about...

"G0YS (Spelled with a ZER0) are guys who find men physically & emotionally attractive, but (for whatever reason) are offended with the stigmas that currently define the 'gay community' in the public psyche. G0YS recognize that the prominent facets of the "gay-male" community tend to embrace every gender-bending act, fetish & affectation; --And include those things in the general specter of the image that "gay" projects publicly. The easiest to observe example is the commonly used acronym "GLIT" (sometimes "GLIB") meaning Gay, Lesbian, Intersexed, Transgendered (or BiSexual). The fact that "GAY" is grouped with "Intersexed & Transgendered" is evidence to our primary point showing what the term "GAY" has morphed into. G0YS reject those associations completely & consider it a form of gender-prejudice against men who love men.

Behaviorally: Anal-sex is innately shunned by g0ys - as it represents the ultimate form of sexual disrespect whether male/male or male/female. Other distasteful stereotypes include (but are not limited to): Effeminate behavior, extreme passivity (like cowardice) & drag. G0YS don't call other men "girl", "bitch", "queen", etc. You probably get the idea.

What G0YS embrace is masculinity in it's purest forms. Many G0YS are GAY, or (usually)-BI identified men (who might wear those labels IF they were not aware of the G0Y movement). Many G0YS are STRAIGHT identified (involved in marriage or exclusive relationships with women) also - but have these deep feelings for masculine affection nonetheless (whether ever acted upon or not). Many of these men have had 1 or more sexual encounters with other men (not anal) & lack the language to describe those feelings & relationships. The term "gay" simply encloses too large a group & offensive associated stereotypes. G0YS place friendships at the top of their proverbial "list". Some of those friendships deepen to a level that is so intimate & personal that sexuality often becomes an element; -- & strong, invisible cords of love, respect & extreme-discretion cover what is an intensely personal thing. The reputation of the flamboyance, promiscuity, filth & bizarre cross-culture of the term "gay" - is seen as an affront to g0y relationships." (http://www.g0ys.org

G0y identified people have become increasingly visible on "Gay/Bi" communities and forums, and not only self-identify as G0y but are critical and even demeaning of those who identify as "Gay."

Please feel free to weigh in about the G0y's versus Gays phenomenon. Is this a new identity or are these men just ashamed to embrace their sexuality?

Open Forum: Your Queer Swing Political Issue

The Queer movement has a large number of faces, races, identities, and sets of problems/controversies that we face. What is your #1 issue when it comes to Queer politics, and why? I will list a couple of big ones but please don't feel limited to those select few, obviously different sub-sets and communities within the broader LGBTQIA umbrella have their own set of issues and agendas.

Some popular issues: Marriage Equality, Adoption Rights, Immigration Equality, Employment Non-Discrimination, Trans-Inclusivity, (Queer Positive) Safe-Sex Ed, Repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell Policy, Intersex Genital Mutilation, Hate Crimes, HIV/AIDS, Domestic Violence.

Log Cabin Republicans Seeking Out Gay Delegates

"Log Cabin is busy making preparations for the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis – St. Paul on Sept. 1-4.

Are you going to the convention as a delegate or alternate delegate? We are keeping a list of openly gay & lesbian delegates and alternate delegates. Please let us know if you are a delegate or alternate so we can make sure not to leave anyone out. jlasalvia@logcabin.org

We are hosting several events, including the Log Cabin Republicans Big Tent Event on Tuesday, September 2. Please let us know if you are planning to be in Minneapolis – St. Paul for the convention, so that we can make sure you receive invitations to Log Cabin's events.* For more information please contact Jimmy LaSalvia jlasalvia@logcabin.org

Sponsorships are still available! You can be a part of the action in the Twin Cities. Sign on as a sponsor of Log Cabin's convention activities.* For more information about sponsorship levels please contact John Sinovic jsinovic@logcabin.org"

H/T to the Miami Herald for the alert.

Diversity Lesson 101: "Pansexuality"

Pansexual is a term that has been growing in recent years as a way for people to better identify their sexual identity. The word Pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan, meaning "all". The term is reflective of those who feel they are sexually/emotionally/spiritually capable of falling in love with all genders.

Definition:
Pansexuals have the capability of attraction to others regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. A pansexual could be open to someone who is male, female, transgender, intersex, or agendered/genderqueer.

Pansexual FAQ:
Do Pansexuals like everyone?
Pansexual identified people have the physical/emotional/spiritual capability of falling in love or being with someone regardless of their gender. This doesn't mean they like everyone, and some Pansexuals do have physical preferences. The identity is used merely to express the openness and fluidity to people of all genders.

How is Pansexuality different from Polysexuality?
Pan means "all" while Poly means "many" and so there are some similar overlaps, a Polysexual may be attracted to some gender variant people but not have the capability or desire to be with some others. Pansexuals are open to any person regardless of their gender or sex.

Aren't Pansexuals really just Bisexual?
Pansexuality is not to be confused with Bisexuality in which "Bi" denotes two genders (male & female) and "Pan" being "all" is open to people who fall at all points or even outside of the gender continuum.