Joy Behar of ABC's The View and her own show on HLN called The Joy Behar Show has been an ardent straight ally on behalf of the LGBT community but is coming under criticism for generalizations about gay male relationships.
In a segment on The View she argues that gays take monogamy less seriously, and that it is permissible for gay men to have affairs. She maintains that the straight world is more inclined to break up a relationship where one partner goes astray while the gay community is more accepting of such behavior.
The gay community much like the straight community has a variety of viewpoints when it comes to the issue of monogamy. There are gays and straights who are polyamorous and have multiple partners, and there are many who regard monogamy as right for them. To assert a blanket statement for the entire community is plain misinformation and wrong to those millions of LGBT people who do practice monogamy.
Contact Joy Behar via Twitter and tell her to apologize for her remarks.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Joy Behar Makes Unfair Generalization about Gay Relationships
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15 comments:
Straight ally or not, I would prefer that people like Behar keep their mouths shut when it comes to relationships that she cannot fully understand (because she is not in one like it!). My partner and I have been in a monogamous relationship for five years and typical or not, I would prefer not to be looped into that type of generalization.
She prefaced her comment that this is from what she hears. She even said she may not be right and the gay community my not agree. Why not attack those who deny us on a daily basis. Not our straight allies
I agree with Kris. As a gay man myself, monogamy is an extremely important part of my relationships. I have known men who don't feel the same way, gay and straight. to lump gay men specifically in a gross generalization like that makes me very angry, and I am a fan of Joys.
Face it I think she's correct! While many of us maintain monogamous relationships, many more of us do not. Being gay we already break the stereotype rules and many of us have forged ahead to set our own standards in our relationships and I think that's a good thing.
It might be more helpful to "ask" her to apologize than to "tell" her to apologize.
She was talking about her interview with gay blogger Dan Savage and recounting the things he had said to her. She was discussing the issue, that's all. The fact is, a lot of gay relationships have an open door policy and as grown adults we should be able to have a conversation about that. We also need to recognize that there are plenty of monogamous gay relationships as well. Regardless, there is nothing for her to apologize for.
I've always like Joy and try to watch her program on CNN but WOW, her broad steriotypical generalizations really came off STUPID - I've been in a monagamous male gay relationship for 18 years. Yes, there are some younger gay men who have a lot of casual sex but it's become the same for straight men and women as well. She's talking about young men, gay or straight whose libido causes them to be predatory. Some younger women do the same. The key word is "some" eventually, "most" folks want a committed relationship and do the hard work that any relationship requires. Joy, you just didn't think this one out before you opened your mouth. Give this one some thought and offer an apology to those who really like your humor and candid interviews.
Who cares? I will forgive her because she definetly is one the staunchest straight allies we have. I have been in a momogamous (at least on my end) 30 year relationship and at this point if there were an indescretion, would we break up over it? Probably not. Sex is sex and love is love and sometimes they go together.
Labeling, or trying to put an idea in a Box is just a way of tring to gain control of said idea. Behar shows signs that she is still dealing with the fact the she may have lost of control of, or misunderstood a subject on her HLN show the night before. That's what this is about. The truth is that gay and straight people are "people" so the variances in all matters are the same--NO DIFFERENT. To coin and old phrase: "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." Contact me, I'm a counselor.
The generalization is a positive one, so I'm not concerned. Male monogamy, regardless of sexual orientation, is a myth. The greater degree of honesty in gay male relationships, at least the ones that are open, is something to be admired.
Yeah, I don't think it's the biggest deal what she said, and they are at least having a point and counter-point conversation about it. The point of "the view" is that this is how ladies talk with eachother... It's not meant to be gospel to live by. Sometimes you agree, sometimes you don't.
I am a gay man who values monogamy... and I will stand by her in total agreement. As a community, we do seem to place less concern on outside sexual encounters. I am not sure this is good OR bad - but it is true.
We tend, as a group, to see sex as more of a personal freedom, and not as something to hold only for our partner. I don't get that, but then again, I admit openly I am not the norm in my community. Does it make it wrong? No - it makes it different than what I want, that is all.
So Ms. Behar said something that you think is going to be spun negatively for our community. Maybe instead of attacking her, you should stand back and consider why you think what she said is so wrong. I applaud her for speaking so honestly.
She has nothing to apologize for. She expressed an opinion. Life goes on.
I see the variety of opinions expressed here and all are welcome to share their point of view. I feel though that whether Joy is right or wrong about the majority of gay men and that is subject to debate, she is not a gay man nor can one individual speak for an entire community. There are many gay men who embrace monogamy, polyamory, and people who do in fact come to terms with cheating in relationships. I don't think it is a gay issue. Ted Haggard's wife accepted her husbands infidelity, so one could make the baseless claim that Christians are more accepting of infidelity due to their desire to maintain the marriage. It might be true of some but not of all.
I was somewhat taken back over her comments. I figured she knew better than that. I suspect her comments came out in a way she didn't intend. Gay relationships should not be generalized any more than straight relationships. I'm sure for most, infidelity in a committed relationship is a deal breaker. Unfortunatly Ms Behar's comments implied the gay community's attitude towards commitment is not really that important. Thats a perception the gay community can do nicely without (the gay marriage issue). Leave it to Woopie Goldberg, once again shes the voice of reason on that panel. There is nothing wrong with voicing an opion, and life does go on. It does however help to have your facts in order. If you want to be taken seroiusly.
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