Diversity Lesson 101: Questioning

Many people question their sexual orientation or gender identity if it differs from the norm, and they need to figure out for themselves if their feelings match up with these labels created by society. Some people question their identity very early, while others do so later in life. There is no science to the time table for questioning, some people figure it out early, and others take an entire lifetime of questioning their identity.

What is questioning?
This term within the context of the queer community refers to people who are questioning their sexual orientation, gender identity or both. They may be experimenting with their feelings and attractions to see what identity would best describe them. The letter "Q" is sometimes added to the acronym LGBTA for this category.

How can someone not know what they are?
Identity politics is a complicated subject, some people feel they easily mold into labels and others feel that they may embrace some attributes of a label but not others. Some people are afraid to take on a label due to the real or perceived consequences that may result. Others generally feel that they are a mix of things and accept that their lives are full of unanswered questions that likely wont be resolved.

Is questioning a sexual identity?
This is a topic that has been debated and will likely go on within the queer community. The answer is yes if you believe that a temporary phase of questioning identity is in itself an identity for a given time period. Also, for those who do question for life or prolonged periods of time, it is their sexual identity to question sexuality and gender. People who are questioning fall into a unique subset because they acknowledge that they don't automatically fall into the heteronorm, but at the same time they don't necessarily accept or feel that they are queer. To be questioning is to feel that you are somewhere in between these two realms and that in itself can be considered an identity.

Are questioning people confused?
Some are confused due to a host of variables such as religion, culture, and societal pressure. Others simply find that our society is heavily reliant on labels that just don't fit neatly to each individual. The process of questioning sexual and gender identity is not confusion, it is normal and healthy. Whether one is gay, straight, asexual or somewhere in between we all question our understanding of sexuality throughout life.

How do you come out if you don't have a label?
It is best to come out sharing who you honestly feel you are. You can choose to come out with the identity that seems to fit the most, or you can simply admit that you are questioning or curious. Don't worry about the judgment or perception of others, you need to do whats spiritually right for yourself. Some questioning people prefer to use ambiguous terminology to refer to their identity and/or a partner such as lover, partner, significant other, friend with benefits, etc. When asked what their sexual identity is they simply say their name, or that they like who they like and keep it at that, have fun with it!

Coping with an uncertain sexual identity:

1. You acknowledge each attraction when it happens, rather than trying to stifle any natural feelings.

2. You look for a pattern in your attractions. This will point you towards your natural sexuality.

3. You do not deny what you know. If you are homosexual or bisexual, don’t try to convince yourself that you are heterosexual. All that will result is a lot of headaches.

4. You embrace questioning. If you are not ready to classify yourself as a specific sexuality, then don’t.

5. You seek support. If you feel isolated due to your sexuality, look around your local, regional or even national or international community for organizations that will support your lifestyle.

6. You take yourself seriously. Announcing your sexuality to anyone who will listen isn’t necessary. Show your maturity by respecting yourself and your relationships and giving them the attention and privacy that they deserve.

7. You are honest with yourself and others. If you realize that you are a particular sexual identity, don’t keep it a secret from those you love. Remember, given time almost anyone can adjust to almost anything (Teen Issues).

Resources for the Q population.

Recommended Reads:

The Full Spectrum: A New Generation of Writing About Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, and Other Identities - David Levithan

GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens - Kelly Huegel

Coming Out Every Day: Gay, Bisexual, or Questioning Man's Guide - Bret Johnson

Link of Interest:

Planned Parenthood - LGBT and Questioning.

Questioning Your Sexual Orientation.

For Individuals Who Are "Questioning"

Using the Questioning Label

Videos of Interest:

Diversity Lesson 101: Ex-Gay Survivors

What is an ex-gay survivor?

Ex-gay survivors are people who were once under religious/social pressure and attempting to change their sexual orientation to heterosexual, but eventually came to embrace their sexual identity as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender after years of trauma and hardship suffered through 'reparative therapy'.

What do ex-gay camps and programs do?

Ex-gay groups are desperate to find a 'cure' for homosexuality even though sexual orientation is natural and not a disease. Due to their stubbornness and rejection of science and psychology there is virtually every kind of 'therapy program' available and they all claim to be succesful. The truth be told is none of them work. Some of the more popular techniques are behavior modification, electroshock therapy, touch therapy, psychoanalysis, prayer, exorcisms, and others. The techniques get extremely bizarre and questionable which is another reason why it is illegal and unethical for any professional to engage in so called 'reparative therapy'. Some of these more bizarre techniques include lifestyle changes such as conforming the identity to match their birth gender. Electroshock therapy while a person is stimulated by same-sex porn, but not when they watch heterosexual pornography. Touch therapy is when a counselor of the same-sex touches the victim in an attempt to make them feel loved and alleviate their same-sex desires.

Can someone change their sexual orientation?
People cannot willingly change their sexual orientation or gender identity. The American Psychological Association and American Medical Association as well as others in the scientific community strongly condemn so called 'reparative therapy' for its unscientific approach, inability to produce valid results, and for the damage it inflicts on its victims.

There have been zero peer reviewed studies indicating any change in sexual orientation or gender identity. While "ex-gay" groups are heavily funded by the church and continue to spew out lies saying thousands "have walked away from the homosexual lifestyle" the truth is there are only a handful of people who actually maintain that they are indeed "ex-gay" and these people are either suppressing their true identity, choosing celibacy, or flat out lying while living a double life.

Sexual orientation is usually consistent throughout a lifetime, some people do experience a shift in sexuality due to sexual fluidity, this however is not a conscious choice but more a result of nature and is in most instances rare.

Ex-Gay Survivor Links:

Truth Wins Out

Ex-Gay Annual Survivor Conference

Beyond Ex-Gay

Other Resources:

Anything but Straight: Unmasking the Scandals and Lies Behind the Ex-Gay Myth

Fish Can't Fly Film

Tips for Creating a Love Welcomes All Conference

Ex-Gay Survivor Videos:

Diversity Lesson 101: LGBTQ Asians

The Other People of Color

Asians are considered racial minorities, but there is very little effort to include their people, customs, and or specific issues within the context of LGBT organizations. They are overshadowed by other races and rarely taken into account.

In a survey taken among LGBTQ Asians it was discovered that...

"Nearly every respondent (98 percent) had experienced at least one form of discrimination and/or harassment in their lives.

Nearly all respondents (89 percent) agreed that homophobia and/or transphobia are problems within the broader API community.

78 percent of respondents agreed that API LGBT people experience racism within the predominantly white LGBT community.

Only 50 percent of respondents said that English was their native language. Yet nearly all LGBT informational and advocacy materials are produced in English." (Asian Nation).

Queer Asians are typically caught in a crossroads facing lack of acceptance from the broader heterosexual Asian community, while also struggling for understanding and acknowledgment from within the white dominated queer community.

Westernized Stereotypical Thinking of Asian Sexuality:

Many people perceive Asian women to be soft, delicate, thin, and submissive in nature. They are thought to be sex-objects for the lust of others. To the contrary many Asian men are thought to be devoid of any sexuality, they often go unaccounted for under the false stereotype that Asian men have a smaller penis size. Asian men are either discounted or considered "exotic" and are also objectified. These stereotypes about Asian sex and sexuality play into both the straight and gay communities and are wrong and serve as a misrepresentation of the wide spectrum of people who are Asian.

Offensive Terminology:

Rice Queen - A term for older white gay men attracted to Asians, assumed to be desperate and fetishizing Asians.

Potato Queen - Gay Asian men who date older rich white males.

Sticky Rice - Two Asians who are a couple, they are stereotyped as being obsessed with all things Asian and only sticking with one another.

Panda Hugger - A gay male who prefers Asian men.

The Asian Asexual Dilemna:

Eastern cultures tend to be very quiet about sexuality in general which creates a problem for all sexual minorities. In particular within Asian families is a strong sense of family structure and desire to carry on the legacy of the family. An Asian who is asexual likely faces more challenges if they choose either not to reproduce or to settle down with a partner altogether. There is even a joking yet offensive facebook group called Asians Against Asexuality.

The Transgender/Intersex Asian Experience:

The Eastern world has a long history of embracing transgender behavior as well as people who have ambigious genitalia, and many cultures regard trans people and intersex people as "third gendered" and they hold their place in society. In recent decades with Western ideology influencing Asian nations, there has been increased discrimination and misunderstanding directed towards trans people. Places like Thailand are considered the transsexual haven of the world, but even there recently a battle was waged to overturn a blood ban on queer men.

While it is quite possible that transgender and intersex identity is more prevalent within the Asian world, this group goes unaccounted for and has very little research and/or resources available as they pertain to trans Asians.

LGBTQ Asian Links:

API Equality

Transgender Asia Research Centre

Queer Asian Pacific-Islander Alliance

Asian Pacific AIDS Intervention Team

Utopia ASIA

Asian and Pacific Islander Family Pride

National Queer Asian Pacific Alliance

Queer Asian Resources

Queer Asian Videos

Diversity Lesson 101: LGBT/Queer Little People

Little People or people with Dwarfism are adults under the height of 4'10. Dwarfism occurs in people who have developed a non-traditional bone growth and therefore some have a larger than average face, some with shorter limbs on their body and all are dramatically shorter than the general population. There are 200 different types of Dwarfism.

Little People like LGBT people are considered "freaks of nature", they get stares and people misunderstand them. In looking for resources for Little LGBT People, I found virtually nothing. I decided, to make an entry to educate people about little people as well as provide as much info as I can for LGBT Little People. It is my sincere hope that LGBT Little People can find solace, comfort and community and that they can begin to network and build a foundation and support system for their own sub-section of the community.

The parallels between being Little and Queer:
Both of these groups suffer tremendous misunderstanding by a society that deems them to be unnatural, or genetic deviants. As a result, people with one or both of these identities are subject to teasing, bullying, stares and public humiliation. Both groups must constantly be reminded of their differences, the Little Person must always look up in a giant world, and have to alter their ways to get by in a world designed for bigger people, whereas the queer person must always be reminded of the heteronormative structure, and if remaining in the closet alter their own worldview so that they can blend in with society at large.

Faggots, Dykes and Midgets oh my:
All of these words are degrading to LGBT people and people with Dwarfism. A "midget" is a "small sandfly" and the term is used by the oppressor to torment the other, and to negate their sense of humanity and dignity. Just like words like faggot and dyke are used to belittle an individual and to rid them of their sense of humanity, "midget" is a term used to assert dominance over another.

LGBT Little People and Their Unique Struggle:
LGBT Little People go through an experience unlike any other Little Person. Not only are they disadvantaged because they live in a world that does not make accommodations for people of their size, they also live in a world that does not understand sexual and gender variance. Dating is exceptionally hard for Little People, most average sized individuals regard them "as cute" but do not take them seriously for romantic encounters. In addition it is hard enough to find a soulmate, among the general population, it is doubly troublesome to find another queer person who is either a Little Person or can see past proportional variations.

Fetishizing and Objectifying Little People:
One of the problems with straight and queer culture and society is the fetishization of Little People. Whether it is through the use of "midgets" in pornography or the entertainment industry using Little People as a form of comedy. Little People are being subject to being used for others self gratification and pleasure rather than getting known for who they are and what their unique experience brings to the table.

Some links for LGBT Little People:

Laurie's Personal Page

A Discussion Topic on Gay Dwarfs at Real Jock Forums

A Discussion about Little Lesbians

Miss Trina Rose


General Links for Little People:

Little People of America

Dwarf Products

Little People the Book by Dan Kennedy

I hope I can do justice to this topic, there is little information out there for LGBT Little People. I hope to update this topic when I find more information and resources in the future. If you know of something please don't hesitate to share!

Diversity Lesson 101: "Pansexuality"

Pansexual is a term that has been growing in recent years as a way for people to better identify their sexual identity. The word Pansexual is derived from the Greek prefix pan, meaning "all". The term is reflective of those who feel they are sexually/emotionally/spiritually capable of falling in love with all genders.

Definition:
Pansexuals have the capability of attraction to others regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. A pansexual could be open to someone who is male, female, transgender, intersex, or agendered/genderqueer.

Pansexual FAQ:
Do Pansexuals like everyone?
Pansexual identified people have the physical/emotional/spiritual capability of falling in love or being with someone regardless of their gender. This doesn't mean they like everyone, and some Pansexuals do have physical preferences. The identity is used merely to express the openness and fluidity to people of all genders.

How is Pansexuality different from Polysexuality?
Pan means "all" while Poly means "many" and so there are some similar overlaps, a Polysexual may be attracted to some gender variant people but not have the capability or desire to be with some others. Pansexuals are open to any person regardless of their gender or sex.

Aren't Pansexuals really just Bisexual?
Pansexuality is not to be confused with Bisexuality in which "Bi" denotes two genders (male & female) and "Pan" being "all" is open to people who fall at all points or even outside of the gender continuum.