Open Forum: Is It Wrong to Say 'Gay Marriage'?

Are marriage equality advocates unintentionally using self defeating terminology in the fight for broader civil rights for the LGBT community? The vast majority of the community consistently argues that civil unions are a separate and unequal institution from that of civil marriage. The argument is that queer people should have all of the same rights and responsibilities that come with government sanctioned recognition of our relationships and that includes the vocabulary used to describe that union.

The idea that heterosexuals should have sole access to marriage while LGBT people can have civil unions or some other form of contractual agreement feeds into the notion that somehow our relationships and bonds are not equal to that of a male/female couple. This serves to reinforce the idea that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender is somehow inferior to being a cisgender heterosexual.

Queer activists certainly do not subscribe to the heteronormative thinking that being LGBT is inferior or less than in any way. Is it possible that by virtue of our arguments in favor of equal protections that we are diminishing our chance and giving credence to the anti-gay oppositions notion that we are indeed so different that we cannot be treated the same?

When discussing the issue of marriage and how the institution should evolve moving forward we often speak of the term 'gay marriage.' If we are arguing that our love is the same and we are entitled to equal protection should we by default of our terminology be segregating ourselves by using 'gay marriage' as opposed to just saying marriage or marriage equality? 'Gay marriage' would just be regular marriage and perhaps the idea behind it scares people that somehow this institution is changing and expanding when it only would remain the same yet more inclusive.

What are your thoughts?

Open Forum: The 10th Amendment and Gay Marriage

A federal judge has recently ruled that section three of the Defense of Marriage Act is unconstitutional. The ruling is a major blow to those trying to keep federal benefits from married gay couples and will likely make its way before the Supreme Court shortly.

What is most interesting about the case is that the Judge found that not only did part of DOMA violate the equal protection clause of the constitution but that it also violated the tenth amendment! The tenth amendment has traditionally been used by conservatives to argue in favor of states rights.

How will the ruling on the 10th amendment play out in the future of proceedings on gay marriage? On one hand it can be argued that the federal government cannot dictate marriage if a state chooses to recognize gay marriage. However, couldn't it also be used to argue that if the Supreme Court or Congress decided to make marriage equality the law of the land that states could choose to abstain?

Open Forum: Will Part of the Trans Community Go Extinct?

Let me preface this open forum discussion with the fact that more transgender people are coming out than ever before and gender variation is the most accepted it has ever been (in modern societies that is). With the rise of gender bending, metrosexuality, feminism, and gender neutrality many males and females are expressing facets of both their masculinity and femininity. It is no longer uncommon in urban populaces to see cisgender heterosexual men neatly groomed displaying "feminine" attributes or stereotypically female products or to see a straight woman with short butch hair in a suit. Gender stereotypes are quickly dissipating and society is moving in a direction towards acceptance of gender expression. While we are still very far from being a truly genderless world we are growing increasingly tolerant and carefree about the irrelevance of someones gender identity or expression.

With gender (not sex) slowly becoming a thing of the past will there eventually be a contingent of the transgender community (crossdressers, drag queens/kings) who don't feel the need to opt for surgical changes but merely dress in the opposite gender from which they were born go extinct? In a world where cosmestics, mucles, facial hair, and expressions are no longer gender specific someone trying to genderbend will have no gender to play with because nothing will be distinctly male or female.

Open Forum: What Does Harvey Milk Mean to You?

Slain LGBT civil rights hero Harvey Milk would turn 80 today if he were still alive. Now California has recognized Harvey Milk Day as an official day to recognize his impact on the movement towards equality and justice. Even though he is gone, he has left a legacy and inspired a new generation of activists to stand up, be proud, and demand full equality.

What does Harvey Milk mean to you and what are you doing to celebrate and honor him today?

Open Forum: Intersex Experiences

People who are intersex, having been born with male and female sexual characteristics and/or organs face many challenges in their lives. From birth many are operated on in an effort to make their ambiguous genitalia fit the binary system of male or female. Some intersex people struggle with transitioning gender, while others find acceptance difficult in a society that doesn't understand or accept people who are born in between the sexes.

Intersex perspectives range from those who consider themselves having been born into a third sex, to others who consider it a medical condition that needs treatment. Some see an intersection between intersexuality and the queer/transgender movement while others feel their identity has nothing to do with the LGBT movement and resent being lumped in to this struggle.

What are your experiences as an intersex person, or someone who knows or loves someone who is intersex? What goes through your mind when choosing a dressing room, bathroom, or any other facility that is segregated by gender? Do you identify with one gender or embrace a dual-gender as part of your intersex identity?

Open Forum: The Effect of the Tea Party on LGBT America

The Tea Party Movement has been gaining a lot of attention in the mainstream media lately and has garnered some well known conservative endorsements. The premise of the Tea Party is to promote limited government, fiscal responsibility, and free market. While this philosophy is shared by millions of Americans, the movement has been under scrutiny by many for some of the more fringe elements present at these rallies who are promoting racism, ethnocentrism, sexism, and homophobia.

The Tea Party Movement seems to be split by those who are far-right conservatives with very oppressive ideas, and those who are libertarian and want less government but are more inclined to support civil liberties. This movement could potentially have a strong effect on the efforts of the LGBT community to attain equal status. On the one hand a far-right candidate could be devastating and set us back, but a libertarian candidate may change the landscape of some in the conservative movement on queer issues. The other potential outcome is that "Tea Party" or Libertarian candidates will take votes away from the Republican candidate making it easier for Democrats to be elected.

What do you make of the Tea Party Movement and how do you feel it will effect the broader LGBT community in the struggle for equality?

Open Forum: Has Gay Inc Been Rendered Useless?

The modern day LGBT rights movement began in the 1970's with grassroots organizing by regular people who were fed up with bar raids, being labeled as mentally ill, and the verbal and physical abuse they suffered. Moving into the 1980's much of the activist focus was on the lack of research and funding to help with the HIV/AIDS outbreak that was disproportionately affecting gay men. From the drag queens who fought back at Stonewall, to the actions of the Mattachine Society and the Daughters of Bilitis, to the impassioned protesting of ACT-UP it is the activist queers who have made a difference that has propelled a movement.

Gay organizations began popping up to meet the needs of these impassioned groups of individuals who sought change. Groups like the Human Rights Campaign and GLAAD began to advocate for the LGBT community on a national level. Local organizations like Equality California spearheaded the fight to protect marriage equality. At the end of the day marriage has been lost in California, Don't Ask Don't Tell is in place, people can be fired for being gay or transgender, and other social inequalities persist.

There has been a growing frustration with "gay inc" over their lack of transparency and willpower to create real change. Many people have begun to view the mainstream LGBT organizations as just being a bunch of elaborate parties and paychecks to politicians who don't support full equality.

Do you think that mainstream gay rights groups have a part in the movement or have they become completely blinded by the real mission and process necessary to achieve equal rights?

Open Forum: Gay for Pay or Pay for Gay?

Many in the porn industry are willing to do things they wouldn't ordinarily do to make a particular film scene sexy to their viewers. Some straight actors even say they are willing to go "gay for pay" and do a person of the same-sex that they are not physically attracted to. The industry is heavily reliant on women sexually engaging other women in "lesbian scenes" to make the films more sexually palatable. On the flip side men who have sex with men are able to make a significant amount of money more than if they engaged in sexual acts with women.

Some people say that if a man is able to have sex with another man that he is gay or bisexual. These actors maintain that they have no physical or romantic attraction to the same-sex but are doing a job like any other. Are all the female on female acts women who are lesbian or bisexual? Might we consider that many openly gay people once lived closeted lives married and sexually active with the opposite sex. People can have sex without necessarily enjoying it so are these people really gay for pay or might they enjoy getting paid while also being able to be gay? Weigh in with your thoughts.

Open Forum: Does the Kama Sutra Address Asexual Orientation?

The Kama Sutra an ancient Hindu text considered to be a manual on sexual behavior has long been studied and revered for its breakthroughs in the field of human sexuality. Upon closer examination it appears that there are sections that speak to what we quite possibly today call asexuality or grey-a that may have been ignored by readers with a sexual perspective.

The Kama Sutra recognizes that just as sexuality falls along a spectrum and some are gay, bi, or straight, that sexual desire falls along a spectrum as well. There are nine kinds of unions described based on the level of sexual desire of an individual.

There are those labeled "small", "middling", or "intense" to describe their level of sexual desire and interest.

"A man is called a man of small passion whose desire at the time of sexual union is not great, whose semen is scanty, and who cannot bear the warm embraces of the female.

Those who differ from this temperament are called men of middling passion, while those of intense passion are full of desire" (Sacred Texts).

The text then goes on to discuss the length of time a person sustains themselves sexually indicating that the verses above are not about the length of the sexual act but merely the desire and intensity of the behavior.

All people who are sexually involved find that there are times they are more desiring of sex than others. Is the Kama Sutra referring only to periods of time that people are not as sexually inclined, or may the authors have been speaking to those who are to some degree asexual, or quite possibly both?

Open Forum: Rethinking Bisexuality

It is without doubt that there are people who experience romantic/erotic attractions to more than one sex. Typically we have called this group of people bisexual. There are many individuals who have moved away from the term finding that it isn't inclusive enough of their own feelings and identity.

Some are taken back by the stereotypes associated with bisexuality and therefore seek to distance themselves from being associated with those negative and false connotations. Some people simply do not like that the word 'sexual' is in the term because it implies that the orientation is only about sex when in fact that is only one aspect of it. Finally, there are those who prefer terms such as queer, pansexual, omnisexual, and fluid to describe their identity because they find bisexuality limiting.

Bi means two and therefore many are turned off by the dichotomy that it presents. If you are bi it means you like males and females to some degree. Many people find that this excludes many other sexes and genders such as those who are intersex, transgender, genderqueer, androgynous or non-gendered. That is why these new terms have popped up to describe sexual identities that are more inclusive of all people.

What about re-conceiving what bisexuality is all about? Bi does mean two but we don't have to approach bisexuality as interest in two sexes (male & female). Why can't bi refer to those who are romantically/erotically attracted to both a masculine and feminine spirit that individuals offer. By discussing the essence of an individual it eliminates all reference to gender and sex and instead focuses on the characteristics that people find attractive.

Do you think bisexuality is outdated? Or is there room for new interpretation that can include everyone with attractions to more than one sex and gender under an already established and understood term called bisexual?

Open Forum: V-Day, Queerdom, and You...

Valentine's Day rolls along every year and most people love it or hate it depending on their marital status and whether they are content with their partner(s). For the heterosexual majority Valentine's Day means a possible romantic escapade and gift sharing with your partner. V-Day however can take on a whole new meaning for gay people whose love and affections are not as well embraced by society. Queer couples can either hide in their places or venture out with their lover(s).

Whether single or partnered does Valentine's Day inadvertently become an activist calendar day for you? What implications does V-Day hold over queer couples and what is its broader impact on the LGBTQ community?

Open Forum: Create a Unifying Term for the Community

We have all seen the endless debate over how the community gets labeled. Are we the "gay community", the "gay/lesbian community", the "queer community", "sexual minorities" the list is endless. The acronmyns only get worse since there is contention over LGBT, LGBTQ, GLBTQIA, etc and the order of the acronyms itself is subject to debate. Do gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgenders alone get in or do we expand to be inclusive of asexuals, intersexuals, polyamorous, two-spirit, queer, questioning, pansexuals, androgynous, genderqueer people and allies?

One might get a headache after listing out all the multitudes of sexual and gender identities that can describe our community members. While some people find queer to be inclusive others hate the term and find it disparaging.

Todays task is to come up with a unifying term besides queer that can be used. We can likely all agree we need an alternative. I predict lots of tacky ideas but that is okay, lets hash it out, and brainstorm by listing several ideas and we can all debate and declare a new term for our community!

Open Forum: (LGBTI) The Intersexual Intersection?

In recent years there has been a growing movement to add intersexuality to the growing LGBT acronymn with some approving and disapproving of such a measure. Intersex refers to a series of medical conditions in which a persons genetic sex (chromosomes) and phenotypic sex (genital appearance) do not match, or are somehow different from the "standard" male or female. Most intersex babies are genitally mutilated and either never find out or discover that doctors changed their birth sex later in life. Some of these individuals identify as male or female, and some elect to transition to the gender they feel more comfortable with while others identify their gender as being intersex and are fully comfortable being in between or neither male nor female.

The contention over whether intersex should be lumped into the broader LGBT spectrum is causing controversy in both camps. There are those who argue that intersex is a medical and biological issue separate from the issues faced by other queer people. There also are those who argue that gay and transgender identity is not simply psychologically based, but also has roots in our biological makeup. Common to all of these identities is that we are neither hetero nor cisnormative and we all have to come to terms with ourselves, whether it be coming out to others or to ourselves about who we really are. We all also face discrimination on the basis that we do not fit the standard mold of gender, sex, and sexuality.

Does the nature versus nurture debate even matter when it comes to who is included in the sexual and gender diversity spectrum? Do you feel there are similarities between some aspects of the intersex and other LGBT communities or are they so far apart that they must be considered separate social and political issues?

Open Forum: Double Dose of Bisexuality on Real World D.C.

MTV Networks show 'The Real World' is about eight roommates cast to live and work together for a season. The show usually has an ethnically, religiously, and sexually diverse cast and tries to address controversial and sensitive issues in society. Most seasons have included the token gay person, some bi-curious members, and two seasons ago the first transgender housemate was cast.

This season on the Real World the show is being cast in Washington DC's Dupont Circle a very upbeat progressive and gay ghetto. As for LGBT issues this season seems to be focused on bisexuality like no other season before.

Mike, 22 is a bisexual christian who is unashamed of his sexuality, and wears his religion on his sleeve.


Emily is a 20 year old bisexual from a conservative religious background. She is "new to the scene" and into the idea of dating girls and being honest with her sexual feelings.


This can be a really wonderful opportunity to open up the world of bisexuality to millions of viewers and to also show that being queer doesn't mean that you have to live without religion. On the other hand the show may fall into some biphobic pitfalls in the way the castmembers are portrayed. Is Mike who self identifies as bisexual but goes back and forth between the labels gay and bi going to be seen as the "confused" guy or the "bi now gay later" type. As for Emily, who is new to the queer scene, will she be looked upon as the sexually rebellious girl simply seeking attention or someone confused? These biphobic misrepresentations with regards to bisexuality happen all the time, and I sincerely hope this show does not fall into that trap.

Do you think this show will be positive for bisexual awareness or will it overall contribute to the bisexual stereotypes that permeate society? Time will tell, share your thoughts about the episodes thus far and your predictions.

Open Forum: LGBT/Queer Personals List

Are you LGBTQIA or a straight ally but single and looking to mingle? Well here's your chance to meet someone else who also cares about queer culture and rights. This personals/dating post is open to all sexual orientations and gender identities and is non-location specific.

*Entries will only be accepted if they are in the order below and no personal information will be accepted.

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Your Location: where in the world you are

Your Description: your physical and personality traits, gender identity, sexual orientation

Your Ideal Match: what you are looking for in a partner(s)

Contact: email, profile link, screen name

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Who knows? Thousands of readers come here from all parts of the world. Maybe your match is one of them! Good luck.

Open Forum: Will the Gay Vote Be Taken Seriously?

The gay community has been angered over the fact that neither mainstream political party makes a sincere effort on LGBT legislation. Every election cycle talk of whether the Democrats take the gay vote for granted and whether gays will go out to the polls comes up for discussion but nothing ever happens.

Financially speaking the LGBT community holds a large portion of the donations received by the DNC. Many queer people are withholding donations until change is made, and some are saying that it appears this gets the Democrats moving on legislation. Some threaten they will switch parties or won't go out to vote, but ultimately the Democrats know this won't go far since the other major contender is worse off on LGBT issues and not voting at all is unlikely among a heavily political base.

Will the gay vote ever be taken seriously? Does it require more funding to be cut from gay donors, a shift to another party, or more people self identifying as queer?

Open Forum: Sexualism Versus Homophobia

In recent years there has been a linguistic movement by some academics against using the term homophobia and replacing it with terms like sexualism or sexual prejudice which are considered broader and more appropriate with the growing list of sexual and gender self identifications.

For one the definition of homophobia is a fear of homosexuals or homosexual orientation, which is not true of all anti-gay people. The common line from so called "homophobes" is that "they have no issue with homosexuals, and even have homosexual friends" when defending their dislike or opposition to queer rights. The other dilemma is that many people associate homophobia as being exclusive to the discussion of gay and lesbian orientation, while leaving out bisexuals and transgender minorities.

Sexualism or sexual prejudice is the predisposition to thinking heterosexuality is the only norm, it is the concept of consciously embracing heteronormativity although is not synonymous with the term.

What do you make of the whole idea of bedding the term homophobia for something more inclusive such as sexualism or sexual prejudice? Does this term unfairly exclude transgender people whose discrimination against them is on the basis of gender or should gender issues have a separate word like transphobia or transsexual prejudice?

Open Forum: Metrosexuality - The Unlikely Ally for Gay Liberation?

"Metrosexual" is a term given for straight men who are very concerned with their appearance and maintain stereotypes generally associated with gay men. This 21st century man cares about his look, feel, and scent and will go to extremes to make sure he meets his own standards. This can include grooming such as facials, pedicures, manicures, waxing, as well as high end fashion and cologne. Some men do it for themselves, because they just like to pamper themselves and others feel it will attract women.

The gay community has a varied stance on the subject matter. On one hand metrosexuals are being accused of appropriating from gay culture, on the other hand gays feel like they can't stand out and know who is one of them anymore. The possible upside to metrosexuality is that these stereotypes are falling wayside and there is no such thing as a "gay look" anymore. If so many people look "gay" or are perceived to be regardless of their actual sexual orientation, than real gay people who enjoy pampering themselves and who may be effeminate are no longer outcasts but just another large segment of the male population.

Also, in responding consider the impact on lesbian and bisexual women, as well as implications for the transgender community. While the term metrosexual really has traditionally applied to "straight men who act gay" there are many straight women who cut their hair short, act rugged and are blurring the lines between heterosexual women and stereotypical lesbian attributes.

What do you think? Yay or nay to metrosexuality, and what is the impact for queer culture?

Open Forum: The Concept of a Queer Nation

While there has not been much talk or serious consideration among queer people to create a gay homeland, there has been some discussion whether joking or fantasy about the concept. A nation state owned and operated by LGBT people, where people are free to express their sexual orientation and gender identity, while being affirmed. A queer homeland would serve as a refuge for those who are discriminated against in other countries, and would bring an LGBT perspective to the United Nations delegation.

In 2004 Australian activists declared the Cato Islands the "Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea" since this deserted island was not being utilized. While this was merely symbolic it once again brought up the discussion and perhaps dreams of many LGBT people. There are even organizations such as the Gay Homeland Foundation, Gay and Lesbian Commonwealth Kingdom, Unified Gay Tribe, and Gay Parallel Republic embrace the idea of a queer nation state although lack the funding, movement, or credibility to push forward their agenda.

What do you make of the concept of a queer homeland? Would it help create a safer world for LGBT people or only further segregate queer people from the populace? Would you support or even immigrate to such a country if it was created?

Open Forum: Halloween and the Trans Community

Scores of transgender people who are beginning the coming out process have used Halloween as an opportunity to be cross-dressed in public for the first time. The idea is that everyone is dressing up, and many people who are cisgender dress as the opposite sex, making it a safe opportunity for a trans person to express their gender identity while also not fully disclosing it.

Have you or anyone you know used Halloween as an opportunity to explore your gender variance or identity? Do you think this is a good tactic for coming out or do you feel it only furthers the social stigma and fear that trans people are somehow "lying" and "masking" their identity?