Saturday, January 10, 2009

Open Forum: Are Gay Parents Scared of Prospect of Gay Children?

We all know that many straight parents conceive of and fear the idea that their child may grow up to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender. They figure, "they wouldn't raise their child to be like that, and that they don't have that problem in their family" but low and behold a percentage of children will grow up to become queer identified.

Queer headed households are daring and challenging societies concept of family structure by being whom they are while still embracing the joys of family life, conception and adoption. LGBTQIA parents bill themselves as more understanding and open minded because of their own experiences growing up different.

When push comes to shove, are LGBT parents scared of the prospect that their very own child may be gay or transgender? Did you ever consider the possibility that a child of an LGBT parent may have a tough time coming out to their family?

It isn't that these parents wouldn't understand sexual and gender diversity, they do but they also have to face a society that has had very little exposure to queer parenting. Are LGBT parents afraid, people will point a finger and say "see gay parents do raise gay children." Is it possible that gay kids will fear coming out so that they don't disappoint their parents making them think they did a poor job?


genderkid said...

I think it depends on how the parents raise the child: if they assume the kid is straight --if they always ask their son about girlfriends, for instance-- then the child will have to come out, which involves confronting the expectations hir parents had for hir.

If I were a parent, I wouldn't worry about people accusing me of "queerifying" my child. However, I would be afraid of teaching hir "too much" gender freedom, which might get them beaten up. I wish that weren't a concern.

thegayte-keeper said...

I think that my child discovering that he/she is gay wouldn't be fearful for me @ all, in fact because of my experience I think that they would have a better support system in me.

Queers United said...

I think if I did have LGBT kids I would be supportive and love them, but I wouldn't be able to help thinking gosh is society going to think that because I am gay, my kids somehow emulated what they saw growing up? I know, gay parenting does not produce gay children anymore than straight parenting produces straight children. It is the ignorance in society that will scare me. So in truth, I hope I have straight kids so I don't have to deal with this and I can once again shove another stereotype down the drain.

Anonymous said...

I have a straight dude friend with a gay dad. I know firsthand that he is a ladykiller because he and I go out to clubs, and he always gets girls on his nuts left-and-right--girls he invariably beds that same evening--like clockwork! His friends (like me) tend to be lesbians, and yet among us, I know several who say, "That dude is soooo gay! Just *look at him.*" And I think to myself, This is one of the *least* gay dudes I know! And I know for sure! So I say, "Why do you say that?" And they say, "Look how he acts. He's so gay all the time."

They know full well he has a gay dad, and they seem to hate straight people who stereotype other straight people as gay, and yet they do it to him. I look at the things they call "gay"--one pierced ear, his affection with people who are gay, his mannerisms, his perfectly coiffed 'do--and I see those things as evidence that if more people had gay parents, all stereotypes would eventually break down because we would all see that "gay" things and "straight" things are ideas we've made up. Not a single one of those things they mention is "gay" to me in this context; I see it that he had a positive role model in his life that he doesn't mind following and looking up to. (And incidentally, he tells me his dad is super *not* into Pride parades or public-displays-of-gayness.)

So there's a straight kid who's having a difficult time growing up with a gay dad *not* because straight people give him a hard time--dude, ladies inexplicably want him SO BAD, like catnip!--but because *his own gay friends whisper shit about him amongst themselves.* It makes me sad.

Laurie said...

Why fear something like that....You can't
control sexuality...

TACKLE YOU HUGS!!!!!! said...

I'm not a AFRAID that they will be gay/lesbian -- I just hope not. They don't need the heartache.

But if they were -- heck yeah I'd be supportive!

Anonymous said...

My partner and I raised 2 kids from the age of 4. They are now 21. One was my adopted son, the other his bio-daughter from a previous marriage. Our kids were raised in the Gay and Straight Community although they preferred the Gay Community. We never had any question about our kid's orientation. Our daughter was clearly heterosexual and our son was clearly gay. Our concern was that our kids would both grow up to come to understand themselves on their own and that we would always love them and champion their right to be who they are. Most importantly we wanted them to understand that despite being 2nd class citizens, despite facing hate and persecution we do NOT live in terror and we would not allow others to put us, our family, or them down. I always quoted my father, "Their right to swing their fists stops short at your face. Do NOT tollerate intollerance." My son is bi-racial, adopted and both kids are wheel chair bound. They had lots of reasons to be outcast by the cruel and violent in our society. We taught them that those people poison themselves on their own hate and to feel sorry for them while staying clear. I'm really proud of them. They turned out to be wonderful adults.

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