Friday, April 24, 2009

Calling Bullshit on Gay.com Article on Male Bisexuality

In the Hot Topics section of gay.com there is an article called "Can Guys Actually Be Bisexual?"

There have been a plethora of so called "LGBT" sources lately that continually question the legitimacy of the bisexual orientation, how is that acting as a community, or accepting non-heteronormative identities besides just gay and lesbian.

Here are some of my reactions to some select quotes in the article:

"So what do we make of these guys who define themselves as bi? Are they really fooling themselves as they screw their way down the path to gayhood?"

I accept peoples choice to self-identify as they like, and am fully comfortable in accepting bisexuality as a variant of human sexuality. The sexual continuum allows for varying degrees of sexuality, while some people are exclusively heterosexual or homosexual, many people fall somewhere along the long, complicated and often blurred line of human sexuality.

"Some people are just sexually charged and will take it wherever they can get it."

Bisexual people are no more sexually charged than any other sexual orientation. The capacity to have sexual/romantic feelings for either gender, does not mean you have a high sex drive nor does it mandate that you not follow monogamy. Bisexuals can be just as exciting or boring as the rest of society, regardless of their sexual orientation.

"Women on the other hand are more emotionally driven than men and can, I believe, be bisexual."

There are emotional men, and non-emotional women, and to preach otherwise is to make a broad statement that when held to the test will fail. Emotion has nothing to do with gender, males are emotional, society shuns male emotion regarding it as effeminate, but that does not mean that it does not exist.

33 comments:

Michelle said...

Thanks for posting this. It's good to remember that questioning others' identity is precisely the hypocritical behavior we want to avoid

Heather said...

I'd also like to thank you for posting this. It's some serious BS when the GLBT community is going around questioning other peoples' orientations.

T. R Xands said...

*thud* What the hell...and those sexist stereotypes about why women can be bisexual and men can't aren't helping either. Why do people honestly think that way? Way to go acting like the supposed opposition *rolls eyes*

Avi said...

I agree with Michelle and Heather.

Queers United said...

Thanks for the support guys, its infuriating, and I feel like the last 3 days I have been reading lots of biphobic articles coming from within the gay community. It is unacceptable and we gotta call them out on it and educate, educate, educate.

Tease, Inc. said...

thanks for the post ... i get so frustrated with people ... straight and gay ... who think that bisexual people need to make up their mind.

i've made up my mind ... i'm bisexual.

entelexia said...

Ugh. The stereotypes flying in that article are pretty disgusting. Bisexual men are just sex-crazed gay men? I'd normally mistake that as a pretty *anti*-LGBTQ viewpoint.

Anonymous said...

gay.com should fire this ari guy and fast.

SacGary said...

I agree that gay.com should fire that guy..

While we are firing people would someone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... fire Perez Hilton as a spokesman for the GLBT community?

PLEASE?????

Natasha Yar-Routh said...

Thanks for the post. I see this as another example of binary thinking, you must be totally one thing or the other. Me, I'm totally pansexual and gender queer fitting into NO boxes. I also agree about the right to self identification, it is in many ways the most basic of human rights.

bisexualmale said...

His "entry" (I can't even call it an article) reveals his lack of understanding of one's individual nature of bisexuality.
It also shows more about his character and conduct than it does about the nature of bisexuality.
Regarding bisexuality,
Ari Bendersky will be synonymous with discrimination.
Thank you for bringing this to light here.

XauriEL jSt'vaan Zwaan said...

Who the hell does this douche think he is to be defining my sexuality?

I'm a proud, secure bisexual man who has never been especially 'sexually charged', never felt for a moment that I was 'gay', am in a committed monogamous relationship. I'm just a guy who likes both guys and girls. Why do people have such a hard time accepting this ... is it because they feel that my sexuality is somehow a threat to theirs? With all the trouble gay people have in this world from exactly this kind of prejudice you think people would know better than to turn around and dump this bullshit on other people!

Anonymous said...

There may be thousands of articles that question whether males can be bisexual or not. I really don't have a preference. I like men and women. Just call me a whore because I can find satisfaction and release by having sex with either or all together. I see it as being the best of both worlds. I have found because of the emotion issue that having a relationship with a guy is generally less complicated. Guys in my experience are like me and want a variety of partners so if one breaks it off, there is bickering and fighting. Now I know some drama queens do make big scenes and stir up lots of trouble. But that is not the guys I hang with. As a matter of fact, I have dated some guys who don'g get jealous and when I saw another attractive guy, they would insist I invite him to join us. It worked.

So go ahead, enjoy the best of both worlds! You may just love it as I do.

Anonymous said...

Above should have read ..."there is NO bickering or fighting. Sorry about the error. Sometimes I think faster than I can type and all the words do not make it to the keyboard.

Anonymous said...

There is no such thing. I am a psychiatrist. "Bisexuality" is a last vestige of denial and a free pass to cheat.

Anonymous said...

And as I'm sure all of us know by now, psychiatrists have been getting a LOT of things wrong for a LONG time now. ;) Nice try though.

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I'm trans and pansexual. ^_^

Anonymous said...

ANCIENT GREECE!

Anonymous said...

Anon said: "I am a psychiatrist. "Bisexuality" is a last vestige of denial."
Denial of what? Being gay or being straight?
Why does it have to lean one way and not the other?
I recently spoke with a a woman who calls herself "lesbian" but is still sexually attracted to men, but doesn't act on it.
What about her?
Also, and I am serious about this, not trying to be rude or gross, if lesbians use strap-on's on each-other are they still considered lesbians?

Anon said: "and a free pass to cheat".
Is it cheating when both parties agree and know what the other person is doing sexually with someone else?

Anonymous said...

I am bisexual
but my relationships
are not defined by my sexual preference.
I am a human being first and foremost.
I am not a sexual category, or sexual label
and I am not defined by my sexual identity.

Cerberus said...

Oi.

Alfred Kinsey already counted this shit up. No information since has disproved his theories on sexuality and the life experiences of this have shown this to be true. In fact, often the best evidence for Kinsey's theories have been the critics of bisexuality or homosexuality themselves. How many times has a Larry Craig type clung to their occasional attractions to women to be not gay or how often has a gay person who "doesn't believe in bisexuality" try and defend themselves from accusations of bigotry by essentially describing how they have also had attractions to the opposite sex.

It's infuriating and intensely stupid. The point of all of this. The activism, the outting, etc... is to wake people up about their mistreatment of us by asking people to really look at their sexualities, ask the tough questions and respect those who don't match up 100%.

You know what the solution is to internalized homophobia that has so many of our young brothers and sisters hating themselves and denying their seuxalities is?

It's not to put false limits and bullshit social criteria of sexuality, you fucking moron!

Cerberus said...

Also, what was with his construction of gay?

Yes, I suppose if you wanted to reduce homosexuality only into its physical acts with a one-drop rule, then yes, that would be true, but it would be wrong about what sexuality is, leave itself open to discussions of what sex is, and oh yeah, would be stupid.

My partner has so far not completed an act of penetration, never given a blowjob and used only fingers with her girlfriend because of STD testing issues. Does that make her asexual despite having at one time dated three people of various sexes at the same time? I think she would be highly amused by that.

I'm really amazed at how many people managed to get prime positions in our gay culture magazines and news sources without ever apparently understanding the most rudimentary aspects of their own existence. It'd be like if the contributing authors to National Geographic had once seen a globe and thought about going to the zoo once.

Anonymous said...

This is why I'm Queer and not Gay or Lesbian. I personally love the person not what's down their pants. I always feel that the "Gay" community can be shallow and hyper-agenda focused on "Gay" issues which exclude other identities of sex & gender...

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much for posting this. With all the (sometimes extremely intense) biphobia
going on these days, any support is very much
appreciated.

WhiteDwarfStar said...

Why is all the biphobia these days coming from gay men? I expect this sort of thing from heterosexual bigots, but from gay men I expected more in the way of sympathy and understanding and solidarity. Such a silly idealist, I am.

Anonymous said...

Many logical and critical thinking errors in the Op-Ed piece referred to by the original posting, but that is typical of Op-Ed comments. The are rarely held to as strict a standard as regular articles in a publication. And Web publications in general are not held to as strict a standard as most print publications with worldwide distribution. So that aspect of it, as well as the fact that I prefer that my own considered opinions drive my emotional responses keep me from getting too "worked up" over the comments made by the writer of the gay.com op-ed entry.
However.
That entry does seem to reflect many comments that I've read or heard about the opinions of many that bi men are really "confused" gay men. And this (as I consider it) error stems from a fallicy of thought that over simplifies sexuality as only a matter of whose genitals you are willing to touch or who you'll let touch your genitals. Defining Gay as simply the engagement in a same-gendered sex act may help someone artificially find comfort in numbers, but doesn't reflect the reality of human experience.
To help put my comments in perspective regarding my point of view; I've been a bisexual male since puberty hit about 30 years ago. I've always been able to feel a physical sexual attraction to guys and girls. I *tend* to feel this for women more often. I fell in love with and have raised a family with a fine women. My sexual attractions still exist for both men and women, And under controlled conditions (taking into account the desires and interests of my life partner) I still have sex with either.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm, I am quiet appauled as a gay man that another gay man wrote this, not surprised though:(, the gay community can be so down hard on each other because its very hard (wither everyone wants to admit this or not) to feel secure with the idea of "liking guys".

I think why some gay people like to attack bisexuals, cause it "in some gay peoples perspective" shatters the credibility of being gay, its makes it all harder for people to beleive that "you only like guys?!?" So they feel *frustrated/jeolous??* by bisexuals as I said cause of credibilty probs (This is based on my assumption and my own gay instincts)

LoL its quiet sad..vry sad but its just like how *some/alot:P* of straights see gay as freaky, and make there idea of life more shattered and NOT CLEAR--->Fear.

I duno if bisexuals are lieng or not for a fact!! but I do know what it feels like to be scrutinized over something i know i am feeling, and the endless wonders "are you sure you cant do it with a girl??" must be same when you listen to comments like "Stick to the girl then you freak??" it shatters security and any kind of mind peace, got me suicidal that should be enough to make gay people who do this crap stop it and think it over :(

I dont know what is right and wrong, but I do no that lack of empathy cannot be justified especialy if you know exactly what it feels like..its disgraceful and just makes humans as worse and cruel as they can get.

Sorry for bad english..not my native language PEACE People take it easy

Anonymous said...

btw I meant how straight people hate gay people because of the fact that GAYS shatters STRAIGHTS idea of life--->fear.
Dam I suck at being coherent :( again sorry for you all.

SacGary said...

Don't apologize. It makes you appear weak.

I think this article IS BS. I am a gay man with no sexual desires ever for women. I have known since I was 9 years old that I was gay.

However some of my most rewarding human experiences have come from those with my gal pals aka fag hags.

Until I developed a close relationship with a man that identified as bisexual I didn't believe they really existed. I used to think they were just afraid of being labeled gay or were greedy and wanted all they could get.

However after having personal sexual and emotional experiences with several bisexual men I know without a doubt that they do indeed exist. Moreover they are no more sexually charged than I am.

One of them tried to get me to participate in a 3 way with his girlfriend, but I was not interested in the least. The girlfriend and I did become friends but there was no sexual attraction between us.

Finally I agree with a previous post. I am not defined as a human being by a sexual orientation or lable. My orientation is a part of being human, but it does not define me as a person.

Anonymous said...

Everybody here supporting bisexuality sounds like a christian using the bible as proof of god.

Offer some REAL evidence!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh nevermind, it seems that this entry is biased! NO WONDER NOBODY HAS STATED THE FACT THAT BISEXUALITY CAN'T BE PROVEN WITH SCIENCE!

Anonymous said...

There is BISEXUALITY...At LEAST some sort of curiosity of the other sex. For years ive wondered what it was like to suck a dick. jack it off and get all the cum out. Well tonigh i finally got to try it and i regret it more than anything ive ever done. It tasted strange, smelled a little funny, made me gag, and after i came after he left i just felt a terrible feeling of regret. I will never do ANYTHING with a guy again and this was my life lesson.

Anonymous said...

I'm a heterosexual Latino and offended by the hypocrisy that whites are called 'racist' for even thinking anything negative about other races, and that heteros are called "homophobes" similarly, when all you "non-heteros" just bicker and judge each other just like the people you feel oppress you (the hetero 'establishment'). I moved out to a small white hick town and have met with more tolerance than in the so-called evolved West Coast cities of San Francisco and LA. Some of you idiots will no doubt call me hateful simply because I am not sitting on the sidewalk during gay pride parades with pom poms, or offering to suck dick. Sexuality aside, most LGBH I've met are self-righteous as hell vis a vis "straight people." It's going to get to a point where a "straight white guy" can claim he's in a constitutionally protected group (gay) because he once thought about giving another guy head. This is ridiculous.

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